Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

Imagine the halfway point between Laurell K. Hamilton and Christopher Paolini, only with less sex and more insanely silly Sues, supposedly all set in the same universe. Her books get gradually better with time, but that’s not really saying much. Everybody’s a teenager forever, everyone wangsts, and there’s always a hottie guy that the female lead desperately wants (except in the more recent books, when suddenly one Sue turns lesbian for no reason except that the author is lesbian). Also, her first novella was published when she was thirteen… and while it was halfway decent, it was downhill after that.

Among the fun foci: Buffy ripoffs, human slaves who get to stay at spas, and a surly Sue goth author who is like so misunderstood until she meets the vampire of her dreams. Bleah.


Vampire Books

 

  • Demon in My View  – A boring goth Sue who is also a prodigy bestselling author (wonder who she resembles!) discovers that the hottiepants vampire of her book is real. And in love with her, natch.
  • Shattered Mirror – A Buffy clone and her Willowesque friend have to deal with an evil vampire who turns out to not be so evil after all. And he’s in love with the Buffy clone, natch.
  • Midnight Predator – A pair of teenage assassins with silly names try to infiltrate a vampire building called Midnight. Can you get more cliche? Oh yes, and the heroine falls for a hottie vampire, of course.
  • Persistence of Memory – A schizophrenic chick finds out that her alter ego is actually an ancient vampire with a witch girlfriend. Trust me, this is a lot less interesting than it sounds.
  • Token of Darkness – A football player sees a ghost and becomes best buds with her… and of course this won’t turn out well.
  • All Just Glass – Yes, because we wanted more witches. This is a follow-up to Shattered Mirror, except it retcons the whole love story and adds in SISTER DRAMA.
  • Poison Tree – A weretiger and a vampire mercenary have problems because of an ex-lover who gets them in trouble.
  • Promises To Keep – Most of the important characters from previous books are bunched together, along with some vampire-hunter kid whom nobody cares about. Here’s a tip: don’t refer to your vampire empire as “Midnight.”

 

Shapeshifter Series

  • Hawksong – Avians and Serpiente hate each other, so the teenage heirs to the throne marry even though they’re not in love, boohoo. Of course since they’re hot teenagers, they fall in love.
  • Snakecharm – Amazingly, centuries of mutual hatred can’t be overcome because emo teenager start babymaking. Also the previously unmentioned falcons show up and cause trouble.
  • Falcondance – We finally find out why the snakes and birds hate each other, and some falcon kid has to learn how to control his magic and stuff.
  • Wolfcry – Apparently lesbianism is a choice rather than an orientation, and fighting fate is pointless so you should completely give up and dump your responsibilities.
  • Wyvernhail – In case you’re not totally sick of this series,this is about some falcon/cobra girl who, of course, is an angsty outcast who has supermagic.

 


The Maeve’ra Trilogy

Yes, it’s time for even more – this time a crossover between her Den of Shadows books AND the Shapeshifter books. And yes, the cheese is just as strong here. How often do you hear about characters named Malachi Obsidian who AREN’T parodies?

  • Bloodwitch
  • Bloodkin
  • Bloodtraitor

 


What To Read Instead of Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

 


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