Is there a Patricia Kennealy-Morrison fan club?
No. I’m not a celebrity, I don’t have “fans”. I’m a writer, and I have readers; you’re my readers, and I’m your writer. I love to hear from you, but the wacko Doorzoids and hateful spiteful envious contemptible vermin whose only pleasure is hurting others are unfortunately trying to spoil it for us. But people of good will can write to me at:
Patricia Kennealy Morrison
Lizard Queen Productions
151 First Avenue
New York NY 10003
All letters are screened, so rest assured I won’t ever even see the illiterate little hate-filled scribbles–not even if you had to use both hands to think them out with. (If you could get your knuckles to clear the ground, that is…)
So, please, DON’T write just to ask is Jim really dead (yes), or what my favorite Doors song is (short song `Crystal Ship’, long song `The Soft Parade’, I don’t listen to any Doors music because it’s still too painful to hear Jim’s voice), or have I seen or talked to Jim lately (all the time, but it’s no business of yours), or to tell me that you’ve just seen Jim/talked to Jim/had a beer with Jim/made love with Jim (go to hell or change your medication), or that you are Jim (just go to hell), or put to me any other question that I have already answered either on this site or in Strange Days.
Some of you have actually written to me just to ask for lists of my books! I’m very glad you want to know, but AIIIYYYEEEE! People! In almost every book ever written, ACROSS FROM THE TITLE PAGE, there’s a helpful little thing called THE CARD PAGE, with all the author’s published books listed. What’s more, there is also a complete list of my published and not-yet-published books at the back of every Keltiad book out there!!! AND in several places on this very Website!!!
AND in Who’s Who in America, Who’s Who in the World, Who’s Who in Entertainment, Who’s Who of American Women, Who’s Who in the East, Contemporary Authors, The New Arthurian Encyclopedia, a couple of science-fiction/fantasy compendia… That HAS to be a lot less trouble for you than writing a letter, finding a stamp and trundling off to the mailbox!
Again, I hate to sound arrogant and unappreciative, and I know you’re all well-brought-up souls whose mothers told you it’s bad manners not to write personal letters by hand, but I think even my idol and role model very dear Miss Manners would concede that those rules don’t apply to reader mail–especially when it’s ten pages long. Does nobody out there own a typewriter? A COMPUTER? Have mercy on an aging hippie! I love ALL the letters, and I read every single one of them; but the typed ones get read first…
Oh, and while I’m on the subject of communication: I AM NOT THE PATRICIA MORRISON (OR INDEED ANY OF THE P. MORRISONS–OR J. MORRISONS, FOR THAT MATTER) CURRENTLY LISTED IN THE MANHATTAN PHONE BOOK. My phone number, changed many times, has been unlisted for many years, and will continue to be; so don’t call these people and hassle them thinking they are me. They are not. I promise you.
I got a letter from a fan–and I use the word `fan’ here deliberately–telling me with no apparent shame that she’d phoned this other Patricia Morrison up, oh, you know, just to do it, just to blatantly invade some hapless blameless stranger’s privacy, `cause she thought it was really me she was phoning, and as everybody knows it’s perfectly okay to invade the privacy of someone with even the tiniest public persona…
After I got over being nauseated, I felt it incumbent upon me to call this poor woman myself to apologize for the fan’s behavior. She was very nice about it, and pleased that I had called. But she also informed me that not only had she received many phone calls and even letters from admirers and haters who thought she was me, but she had actually been physically threatened several times by someone alleging he was Jim and telling her he was coming to kill her and claim her for his eternally. The police, of course, have been made aware.
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE???
And one more word in your shell-like ears: DO NOT phone, write, e-mail, visit, stalk or otherwise bother my parents, my relatives or my friends, thinking you’ll get in touch with me more easily that way. It won’t happen.
I’m aware that you have the technology to track people down, and some of the younger or more incredibly discourteous folk among you–the little instant-gratification Ambers and Jasons of the world–have already done so. I know you’re dying to talk and you don’t want to send a letter and wait for a reply; but I’m the one who gets to decide whom I talk to, and when, and what gets said.
I call quite a lot of you, as you know, because you are wonderful people and I really enjoy our conversations; also because Jim liked to ring up and chat with people who’d written him, and I like to follow his lead. But I’d call people anyway, because that’s the way I am, and because it’s just so darned much fun.
But I PROMISE you, anybody who bugs anyone I’m related to (by blood, marriage or friendship) will NOT be hearing from me. You will not be rewarded for rude and intrusive behavior.
Again, I do not mean everybody; the vast majority of you who have sent me mail of any sort are generous, kind, wonderfully caring people, and your letters make me cry–this chastisement is not aimed at you.
Right. I hope I have by now sufficiently discouraged the morons. Everybody else, write to me at the address above. Remember: the mail will be screened no matter where you send it; again, I won’t even see hate mail, and you’ll just get karmic cooties for sending it.
Another way to reach me is by subscribing to the Keltiad mailing list on Yahoogroups. (Also, if you’re on AOL, you can post a message on my Kelts board, under Sword & Sorcery in the Science Fiction section — though that does not see the traffic the mailing list does.) I do not frequent the mailing list myself, after some extremely unpleasant encounters with alleged friends as well as fans, but someone who knows me is sure to see the query or comment, and, if they deem it appropriate, pass it on to me. They are utterly loyal and extremely protective and stunningly verbal, so if you just want to trash they’ll wipe the floor with you. Be warned.
But even the Lizard Queen must move with the times, and though now I do indeed have email (as some of you already know who have communicated with me), given the type of trouble I had the last time I tried it I choose NOT to make the numerous addresses public. If there is need of public verification that the person behind a particular communication is really me (or indeed for any question raised to be addressed specifically and publicly), I will put that information up here, in a special section reserved for just such matters.