Yeah, I’ve been slogging through the Anita Blake comic books, bastions of sucky art, storytelling and pacing that they are. But I haven’t really addressed one part of each one: The covers.
Wait, my bad. That’s Anita’s “killer face.”
Anyway, these covers seem to be the most unintentionally hilarious part of the comics, because they usually contain the most over-the-top stuff… or they’re just lazy. For some reason I didn’t include them in the comic book reviews, so I’m going to a do a separate page of the covers here.
This is a comic book “handbook” that came out around the same time as GP, and the cover is… not the worst, but it’s still pretty bad. The cover feels like they just pasted in a bunch of random art from the first comic book, and there’s no real rhyme or reason to what’s included here. I mean, Valentine is a character who basically has no reason to actually be in the story, except to provide tragic backstory for the proto-Nathaniel, is as big as Anita.
Also Nikolaos is the VILLAIN. Yet she’s tiny and poorly-drawn here, almost as much so as Edward. From this cover, you would think VALENTINE was the villain.
And explain to me why Willie McCoy is on the cover, but JC is not?!
The First Death Covers
- I’m assuming that Jean-Claude’s weird devilish expression and hair-grabbing is meant to make him look like a master seducer contemplating how sexy and great Anita is. But honestly, it just makes him look like a malevolent hairdresser thinking about brutally lopping off her split ends.
- Anita is wearing a leather jacket with fringe. I’ll just let that speak for itself.
- What the hell is up with Jean-Claude’s legs? I’m pretty sure that half the muscles on his upper thighs and crotch don’t actually exist in the human anatomy (and by extension the vampire anatomy). Also, those are some childbearing hips he’s got — he looks very thin and lithe from the waist up, and suddenly below the waist he’s almost as wide as Anita.
- And why is ANITA wearing skintight pants too? Allegedly she’s this manly butch macho girl who doesn’t care about clothes, so why would she wear pants that restrict movement?
- And where the hell are they? What are those stupid pieces of cloth behind them? Are they in a tent, or is it laundry day at the vampire strip club?
- Are Edward and Anita trying to shoot each other under their armpits? Because Edward’s expression suggests that.
- Anita appears to be wearing old-man suspenders.
- So… they’re being attacked by Noein? That makes as much sense as anything else in this series.
- Either Anita’s ass is HUGE, or her spine is curving at an alarming rate.
- And does it look like that mask is puking?
Aaaaaand… it’s time for a variant cover!
And yes, those ARE the Marvel zombies in there. This one is relatively decent in that it’s well-drawn, except for Anita’s weirdly curved thighs. But honestly, I hate this because of the implication that Anita is more than a match for undead superheroes like ZombieSpiderman, UndeadWolverine, UndeadHulk and other such.
Also, WHY THE HELL is she pointing her gun AWAY from the zombies?
Guilty Pleasures #1
Okay, I’m putting these out in (technically) chronological order, but this was actually the first AB comic. And BOY did it suck (pun not intended). Sadly, that also applies to the covers, which range from mediocre to silly.
Hot damn, she looks bad here. This really sums up everything about Anita’s artwork that looks silly. Her hair looks like a giant gross mess of oily tentacles. Her skin is the color of unbaked bread dough. She has giant hips and thighs. Her clothes are so skin-tight she shouldn’t be able to move. And I love her oh-so-casual “I’ve got a gun! Be impressed, for I’ve got a gun which I can’t possibly use because I have my arm twisted back!” pose. STOO-PID.