Twilight Preface

I’d never given much thought to how I would die — though I’d had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

This is actually a fairly cool if needlessly dramatic way to open a book. For one thing, a brief glimpse of the dust jacket tells us two reasons why this is way too dramatic:

  1. This book involves vampires. Vampires are allegedly the undead. Therefore you die if you become one of them.
  2. Bella is a Mary Sue, and therefore she will live on forever. Like nail fungus, funky smells and Mick Jagger.

 
I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.

Well at least he’s being polite while he tries to rid the literary world of a walking herpes sore.

Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.

Oh the suspense! I wonder who it can be! Could it be… her sparkly prick of a boyfriend?

 
I knew that if I’d never gone to Forks, I wouldn’t be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

“Go ahead and kill me, vampire! I am in LUUUUUUUV so I regret nothing because I don’t care about anything else! Like continuing to live! Who cares about that, when you can dry hump a marble statue?”

 
The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.

In a perfect world, the series would end there with Bella drowning in her own blood. But of course, life is not perfect.

Which is why we have another chapter…

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