Wizard’s First Rule

Stop and think about what makes a typical derivative high fantasy. You need a hero, preferably in the Luke Skywalker mold. You need at least one love interest. You need a pseudo-medieval land. You need a wizard or sorcerer, or preferably multiple ones. You need a sword that, if not actually magical, is definitely special and superior.

The result: Designated Hero meets a Mysterious Designated Love Interest, learns he is the Chosen One, gains a Magic Sword with magical powers, teams up with an eccentric old Wizard Mentor, and goes on a Heroic Quest to save the Generic MedievalLand from the Evil Designated Villain. I swear, I think Goodkind came up with this plot by playing a sort of high fantasy Mad Libs.

… and then you need a lot of rapey women in leather with taser-dildos, like a teen boy’s fantasies after finding a BDSM magazine.

Yeah, this is like Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series… except with a crazed Ayn-Randian approach to the world, the subtlety of a cinder block to the face, and some really weird sexual hangups. And it doesn’t help that the hero, rather than just being a Stu, is a repellent piece of shit who never shuts up.


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